There is a reason I have not posted much lately. In the middle of all the preparations for Christmas and New Year, which I always find very traumatic anyway, and having our holiday of a lifetime in
Cut for rambling and scary pic of very old fangirl
I guessed Elijah would be going to ORC as soon as it was announced that World Without Sundays would be there. I also knew that if it wasn't for the holiday in NZ in March I would have immediately considered going. As it was, I didn't dare suggest it. To fly out to LA, our first time ever travelling beyond Europe, a matter of weeks before we fly there en route to NZ - and for a LOTR convention - I knew people would just think I'd finally flipped. But it seemed so ironic that the NZ trip would prevent me from meeting Elijah again. And there was the money to be considered, of course. But shortly before Christmas my husband asked me how much birthday/Christmas money I expected to get. I asked why he wanted to know and he said he wondered if I'd want to put it towards "this thing in America"!! Would I WANT to? I was gobsmacked. I knew he didn't really have an inkling of just how expensive it would be - and the conversation sort of dwindled from there. But he'd lit the flame of hope in me - and it wasn't going to go out. Although I agonised over it for days, I think I knew at that moment that we'd be going. Then the usual paranoia started, and this is the main reason I didn't shout it from the rooftops - its the age thing. The fact is, I know that age-wise I am in a small minority - the vast majority will be decades younger than me. I know I'm silly to let this worry me - I know of at least one of my LJ friends of the same age (late 50's)is going and she seems totally laid back about it *waves to T*.
But I was reading the LJ of someone in her teens recently - she was talking about another Lij fan (not me) and was horrified when she found out she was in her 50s. I can't really blame her, I'd probably react the same if I was that age. And I can't help but wonder what Elijah thinks when confronted by someone like me. At least when I met him at CM he didn't scream for security or run for the nearest exit - and perhaps, just perhaps, he may feel quite pleased that he doesn't only appeal to teenies. But I usually manage to console myself with Ian McKellan's wonderful quote: "If I was on a march at the moment I would be saying to everyone: 'Be honest with each other. Admit there are limitless possibilities in relationships, and love as many people as you can in whatever way you want, and get rid of your inhibitions, and we'll all be happy." So, I am trying very hard to rid myself of my inhibitions. I may be old, but I am not dead and I love LOTR, I love Frodo, I love Elijah and I always will. I also realise that I'm extremely lucky in having such a supportive and tolerant husband. He is not an LOTR fan - doesn't hate it, just not really interested, but he is really looking forward to the trip just for the experience of going to America for the first time.
I have the FOTR cd playing, its near the end - 'The Breaking of the Fellowship' where F&S walk up the mountain to gaze across at Mordor - the drum beat, the cloaks - after 3 years the effect is still exactly the same - my skin just tingles, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I am going to see Frodo again. The taxi comes at 7am tomorrow. I am so ready for this:)
Anyway, sorry for the long disjointed ramble - and to any of my LJ friends who are going, if you spot this rather scary-looking old gal accompanied by a bewildered husband there, perhaps you might like to say hello:)
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