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Subject:Apologies
Time:10:21 pm
Current Mood:exhaustedexhausted

Many apologies for the lack of comments over the past week. I'm having problems with my parents again - my dad has been in hospital since Monday. He's doing ok and shouldn't be in for too long. For the first few days I stayed at their house - my mother can't be left alone - but now we've brought her back to ours. I feel so sorry for them but I'm ashamed to say I've also been feeling sorry for myself and hubby lately. It seems that every time my husband books any time off from work something like this happens. We were so looking forward to last week. We hadn't dared book a holiday away but just planned on a couple of days out and an attempt to get our garden back to some sort of order. The Friday before, my mother had a bit of a fall and badly scraped her leg. But we breathed a sigh of relief when it turned out to be nothing serious and embarked on plans for our week. Inevitably, the phone call came Monday morning - the doctor thought my father should go to hospital for a few days. My husband had popped out to the shops. When he returned I had to tell him the holiday was over before it had begun. Today he's returned to work and has no more holiday left for this year. And I feel as if I'm being pulled in a hundred directions at once.

Ok, no more whining - I know how fortunate I am to still have both my parents who are both well over 90. And as long as I still get to at least spend some time here - my light in dark places where I can forget the harsh realities of life for a while - then I'm happy:)
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lijahlover
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Time:2009-08-17 10:31 pm (UTC)
*Hugs you hun*
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 09:15 pm (UTC)
Many thanks:) *hugs you back*
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_celebrian
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-17 10:36 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

No need to apologize. Real life has a tendency to get in the way of online time and we understand. Glad your parents are doing OK and that you are back now. Sorry you missed out on your holiday time, though. I hope that they are both healthy for a long time after this week so you won't have to be pulled so many ways.
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 09:23 pm (UTC)
Many thanks, Celebrian. You're right, we all have RL crises to cope with from time to time - I remember the awful time you had with the flooding recently. Hopefully, this time next week my dad will be back home and we will have our normal life back for a while:)

*hugs*
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mechtild
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-17 10:50 pm (UTC)
This sounds so familiar, Paulie. Like yours, both our parents are very old and gradually failing. We love them and do what we can for them, but we feel the same way about the phone calls that bring each next installment of health issues and trips to the hospital.

Other people on my f-list have been through this ahead of me, their parents now deceased. Although they don't miss the stress and weariness of caring for beloved parents, friends tell me they really, really miss them, even after years. They keep saying to cherish each hour, inspite of having to forego whatever we've planned. Maybe this is the same for you, Paulie. If so, hang in there, endure, and try not to be bitter.

Smooches,
Mechtild
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 10:21 pm (UTC)
"Although they don't miss the stress and weariness of caring for beloved parents, friends tell me they really, really miss them, even after years"

Whenever I feel the slightest vestige of self-pity creeping in, I remind myself that one day I will no longer have them. But even at their great age, knowing the inevitable will happen sooner rather than later, I find it very difficult to imagine them not being around. It's also difficult not to sometimes feel hard done by when you have to just drop everything at a moments notice, but I would never feel bitter or resentful of them - only of circumstancess and the cruelty of life that does this to people who dare to live to a great age. It's almost as if nature wants to punish people for this!! My parents hate to think they're disrupting our lives so we always do our best to make light of it when we're with them. That's why it's such a relief to have my LJ to escape to - the one place I can let off steam or indulge in a little self-pity without hurting anyone:)

I know you're having similar problems, Mechtild - and if I remember correctly, your parents live quite a long way from you which must be very difficult.

*smooches you back*
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shirebound
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-17 10:53 pm (UTC)
Absolutely no need to apologize. I know how precious holiday time can be, and losing it unexpectedly -- whatever the reason -- can be very discouraging. Just be good to yourselves, and cherish the time with your parents. (I know you do.)

*hugses*
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 10:24 pm (UTC)
Many thanks SB:) *hugs*
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(Deleted comment)

not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 10:33 pm (UTC)
Many thanks Mews. It is difficult, but at the end of the day I know I just have to be very thankful I still have my parents - so many people would be happy to have those problems if it meant they could have their mom and dad back with them:)
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mother2012
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-17 11:32 pm (UTC)
You have a right to whine once in a while, and good reason. You are indeed being pulled in too many directions. And nothing to be done but go with it.

*sends a little light your way*
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 10:38 pm (UTC)
Many thanks - that's one of the many things I love about LJ, you can whine, let off steam or indulge in a little self-pity and no-one back in RL needs to know!!

"You are indeed being pulled in too many directions."

I know someone else who has that same problem!!;)
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msilverstar
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 12:11 am (UTC)
Gah, that must be so frustrating, to get so close to a rest and then not get it.

It might be good to line up some additional carers now, so that when they need help in future, you can be flexible.
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 10:47 pm (UTC)
Yes, it's very frustrating - we don't blame my parents of course, but it's hard not to feel disappointed.

"It might be good to line up some additional carers now, so that when they need help in future, you can be flexible."

They do have a couple of carers go in each day when they're both back in their own home but they don't do all that much - or rather my parents won't allow them to do much!! Hopefully, we might be able to arrange a bit more help in the future to take some of the strain off.
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telstar_gold
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 12:53 am (UTC)
I know how fortunate I am to still have both my parents who are both well over 90.
Fortunate indeed, especially if they're still relatively independent! I hope, for all of you, that they continue to be so. *hugs*
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-20 03:08 pm (UTC)
Sadly their independence is declining rapidly. They do have carers go in a couple of times a day but soon that will not be enough. It's so worrying.

*hugs*
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bellewood
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 01:48 am (UTC)
Oh my dear.. it's not easy is it. I can just imagine how you feel. Much as i'm sure you truly appreciate your parents, it's not the natural order of things for you to be doing the looking after. It's only human to want time to yourself. I hope you can come to some sort of arrangement whereby you're all taken care of.. good luck! ((hugs))

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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-20 03:12 pm (UTC)
"I hope you can come to some sort of arrangement whereby you're all taken care of.. good luck! ((hugs)")

Thanks Belle. It would be great if a perfect solution could be found to all this - but sadly I know it doesn't exist. Just taking it a day at a time for now:) *Hugs*
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peripety
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 02:05 am (UTC)
It is difficult caring for one's parents, as I well know. And finding out that what you've planned goes awry when their needs come to the fore is very hard.

I know how hard it can be when dealing with disappointment and fatigue and living my life "around" them, as much as I may love them, and to maintain a totally positive attitude. So whine when you need to - and I wish you goodness and strength for the times you need it most :)

*hugs*
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-20 03:14 pm (UTC)
So whine when you need to - and I wish you goodness and strength for the times you need it most :)

Many thanks - and I wish you the same; sorry to hear you're having similar problems. *hugs*
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primula_baggins
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 02:49 am (UTC)
Hon, of course you should whine! Everybody does it, why not you?

My hubby just went to be with his dad for god only knows how long. He's not happy at all about it. I only wish I knew what to do to make things better, but sometimes there isn't anything to be done.

Here are some *BIG HUGS* for you

Don't feel guilty. It's just life, and shit happens. :D
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-20 03:16 pm (UTC)
Don't feel guilty. It's just life, and shit happens. :D

Very true Prim - thank goodness for LJ where we can whine to our heart's content!!

Hope your hubby won't have to be gone for too long:)
*hugs*
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yeuxdebleu
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 07:20 am (UTC)
What a shame about your week off. Life can be so difficult when one's parents need looking after. But how amazing that they're in their 90s and you still have them.

And as long as I still get to at least spend some time here - my light in dark places where I can forget the harsh realities of life for a while - then I'm happy:)

I know exactly what you mean. That's why the title of my LJ is The Light of Earendil: There when all other lights go out.

Edited at 2009-08-18 07:21 am (UTC)
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-20 03:21 pm (UTC)
Thanks Yeux. I know I'm lucky - it is very unusual to still have both your parents at such a great age:)

That's why the title of my LJ is The Light of Earendil: There when all other lights go out.

Great minds think alike - I'd never had a proper sub-title for my LJ and I recently called it 'A light in dark places' !!


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ladysunrope
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 09:30 am (UTC)
you aren't whining at all -you are letting off steam about something you were looking forward to and that's exactly what you should be doing because when it's taken away, it's frustrating.
I hope you get some time to yourselves though even with looking out for your parents. Time for a romantic walk before bedtime perhaps? :)
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-20 03:25 pm (UTC)
Many thanks for understanding. My dad is back home now and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all will be well at the weekend when we might even manage a meal out somewhere:)
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mole_caz
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 09:50 am (UTC)
I feel for your dilemma and realise how frustrating it must be for you and your hubbie. I know this may yet happen to me and my sister if mum becomes ill or finds she can no longer look after my stepdad. He had another 'funny' turn last week whilst sitting in his armchair and she couldn't move him. If it wasn't for mum, he'd been in a home by now but she's 81 and beginning to have a few problems.

I do hope you can have a few days with hubbie at some time and that your dad will be okay. *hugs*
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-20 03:28 pm (UTC)
It's a huge problem, isn't it? I've always missed not having brothers and/or sisters, and now more than ever. I'm sorry to hear about the problems with your stepdad.

My dad is back home now and I'm just hoping things will be ok at the weekend - we're thinking about risking a meal out!! *hugs*
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janejanejane
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-18 04:08 pm (UTC)
Don't feel guilty about those kind of thoughts about your parents. It can be stressful looking after them and trying to make time for yourselves which we all need.

Hope things settle down and you can have a bit of *you* time, maybe on a weekend... *fingers crossed*

LJ can be a *light in dark places* and we're all here for you when you can make it!
(((((hugs)))))
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not_alone
Link:(Link)
Time:2009-08-20 03:31 pm (UTC)
Hope things settle down and you can have a bit of *you* time, maybe on a weekend... *fingers crossed*

We're crossing our fingers too - my dad is back home now and we're hoping we might risk a meal out somewhere this weekend!!

LJ can be a *light in dark places* and we're all here for you when you can make it!

Thank you so much, Jane:) *hugs*




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[icon] Apologies - NotAlone
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